How do I encourage people to use a gift registry?

Frame it as helpful rather than demanding by saying something like 'Here's what she's really into right now if you need ideas.' Keep the list updated, remove items as they're purchased, and include items at multiple price points so everyone can participate.

Duplicate Gifts: How to Prevent and Handle Them

Q: How do you politely handle duplicate gifts?

React warmly in the moment by thanking the giver sincerely and focusing on their thoughtfulness rather than the item. After the event, decide whether to keep, return, regift, or donate. Research shows recipients are more forgiving about mishaps than givers expect.

Q: Should I tell the gift-giver about a duplicate?

Generally, don't mention it unless they directly ask. The exception is close family members who regularly give gifts and would genuinely want to know for future reference. Even then, frame it gently and emphasize it wasn't their fault.

The grandparents meant well. So did your sister, your neighbor, and three party guests. Now you’re standing in your living room after your daughter’s birthday, surrounded by four identical unicorn plushies and wondering how this happened.

Here’s the thing: it happens all the time. And with a little strategy—plus some grace for when prevention fails—you can handle duplicates without drama, hurt feelings, or a closet stuffed with backup toys.

Mom sitting on living room floor surrounded by torn wrapping paper and multiple identical stuffed unicorn toys with amused expression — Four unicorns later, you start wondering if there’s a wish list for wish lists.

Key Takeaways

Duplicates are incredibly common—holiday returns ran 17% higher than average last year
Research shows recipients actually prefer gifts from wish lists, even though givers assume surprises are more thoughtful
Your reaction in the moment matters more than the duplicate itself—kids take cues from you
Duplicates can become teaching moments about generosity and decision-making

Why Duplicates Happen (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

Before you beat yourself up for not coordinating better, know this: gift mismatches are so common that holiday returns ran 17% higher than average last year according to retail data. Duplicates are just one variety of a very normal problem.

Stat showing holiday gift returns jumped 17 percent higher than average

The psychology behind it is fascinating. Julian Givi, associate professor of marketing at West Virginia University, explains the core issue: we want to feel thoughtful and show how well we know someone.

In reality, these are unconsciously selfish motivations because they don’t put what the recipient really wants first.

In other words, multiple well-meaning people independently think they’ve found “the perfect gift”—and sometimes they’re right about the same item. This isn’t a failure of love. It’s a failure of coordination.

And coordination is something we can actually fix. If you’re dealing with duplicates alongside other common gift-giving challenges, you’re not alone.

Prevention Strategies That Actually Work

Parent hands holding smartphone showing wish list app at kitchen table with coffee mug nearby — Five minutes of list-making now saves five returns later.

The Registry Reality Check

Here’s what the research actually shows: behavioral scientists at The Decision Lab found that gift recipients were more likely to appreciate gifts they had explicitly requested, while gift givers falsely assumed unsolicited gifts would be considered more thoughtful.

Translation? Wish lists work. People like getting what they asked for. The challenge is that givers feel like registry shopping is less caring—even though recipients disagree.

Comparison illustration showing what givers think versus what recipients actually prefer about gifts — Turns out the gift receipt is more thoughtful than we thought.

How to encourage registry use:

Frame it as helpful, not demanding: “Here’s what she’s really into right now if you need ideas”
Keep it updated—remove items as they’re purchased or received
Include items at multiple price points so everyone can participate

The Family Coordinator Strategy

For big events like milestone birthdays, designate one person (often you, let’s be honest) to track who’s buying what. This works especially well with extended family who want to contribute meaningfully.

A simple shared note or spreadsheet can prevent three grandparents from independently buying the same scooter. It doesn’t have to be fancy—it just has to exist.

Three step process for family gift coordination showing share list claim items and avoid overlap — Simple coordination beats elaborate surprises every time.

The Group Chat Approach

For friend-group birthday parties, a quick text thread among parents can work wonders: “Hey, we’re bringing the art supplies set—anyone else want to claim something from the wish list?”

Real-time coordination catches duplicates before they happen. Even a loose system beats no system.

When Family Won’t Cooperate

Some relatives resist wish lists on principle. They want to surprise the child. They want their gift to be special. Here’s how to work with this:

“I know you love surprising her—that’s so sweet. She’d honestly be thrilled with anything related to [current obsession]. The only thing we’re really set on is [specific item], so anything besides that would be perfect.”
— Try saying this to surprise-loving relatives

You’re giving them freedom while steering around the most likely duplicate. It won’t prevent every collision, but it reduces the odds.

In-the-Moment Response at Parties

Five year old child at birthday party opening wrapped gift with genuine excitement while parent watches warmly — That moment of pure excitement is what gift-giving is really about.

Prevention doesn’t always work. Sometimes you’re watching your child tear open a gift and—oh no, it’s the fourth copy of the same book.

What to Say When Your Child Opens a Duplicate

For little kids (under 5), they might not even notice. If they do:

“Oh wow, you love this one so much now you have two! How special that [giver’s name] knew you’d love it.”
— Try this for kids under 5

For older kids who definitely notice:

“That’s so cool—[giver’s name] clearly knows what you’re into. We’ll figure out what to do with both later.”
— Try this for older kids

The goal is acknowledgment without drama. Kids take cues from your reaction.

Comparison chart showing what to say about duplicate gifts for kids under 5 versus older kids — Age-appropriate scripts make awkward moments smoother for everyone.

Managing Your Own Reaction (Kids Are Watching)

Your face in that moment matters. Even a micro-expression of disappointment teaches your child that this is a problem rather than a minor coordination issue.

Take a breath. Smile at the giver. The actual logistics can wait.

Handling the Gift-Giver’s Feelings

Research from Ohio State University found something reassuring: recipients are far more forgiving about gift mishaps than givers anticipate.

As doctoral researcher Cory Haltman noted, recipients didn’t see mishaps as signaling a lack of care. They were more forgiving than those giving gifts thought they would be.

The same applies to duplicates. The giver likely feels more awkward than you do. A warm, genuine thank-you—focused on the thought behind the gift—smooths most situations.

Stat showing recipients care far less about gift mishaps than givers expect

Rebecca Reczek, professor of marketing at Ohio State’s Fisher College of Business, puts it simply: “One of the key social functions of gift giving is to communicate care for the gift recipient.” When you respond graciously to a duplicate, you’re honoring that care.

The Keep-Return-Donate Decision

Once the party ends, you have options. Here’s a quick framework:

Keep as backup when:

It’s a consumable (art supplies, building blocks, play-dough)
Grandparents live far away and could use one at their house
The original might break or wear out

Return or exchange when:

You have the receipt or gift receipt
The child won’t notice or care
The exchanged item fills an actual need

Four options for handling duplicate gifts showing keep return regift and donate with icons — Four paths forward, and none of them are wrong.

Regift when:

The item is unopened and appropriate for someone else
You can do it thoughtfully (more on regifting done right)

Donate when:

Local charities accept the item
It’s a teaching moment your child is ready for

Involving Your Child

Here’s an angle most advice misses: duplicates are actually a teaching opportunity. Even preschoolers can participate in age-appropriate ways.

For ages 3-5: “We have two of these! One can go to a kid who doesn’t have any. Which one should we keep?”

For ages 6-9: “What do you think we should do with the extra one? We could exchange it, save it, or donate it.”

For tweens and teens: “You’re in charge of this decision. What makes sense to you?”

Three age groups showing developmentally appropriate ways to involve kids in duplicate gift decisions — Growing independence means growing decision-making power.

You’re teaching generosity, decision-making, and the idea that having isn’t always better than sharing.

Communicating After the Fact

Parent writing thank you note at kitchen table with birthday cards and colorful drawings nearby — The thank-you note stays the same whether it’s the only gift or the fourth duplicate.

Thank-You Notes for Duplicate Gifts

Write the thank-you exactly as you would for any gift—focusing on the giver’s thoughtfulness, not the item’s fate.

“Thank you so much for the [item]! [Child’s name] was so excited to open it and loves that you thought of her.”
— Sample thank-you note language

You don’t need to mention the duplicate. The gratitude is genuine regardless.

Telling vs. Not Telling the Giver

Generally? Don’t. Unless they directly ask whether they should include a gift receipt next time (take the hint and say yes), there’s no benefit to announcing that their gift was a duplicate.

The exception: close family members who regularly give gifts and would genuinely want to know for future reference. Even then, frame it gently: “She actually got two of these—totally not your fault! Next time, text me and I’ll let you know what’s already covered.”

Four year old child happily hugging two identical stuffed animals one in each arm with pure joy — Sometimes two of the same thing is twice the love.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you politely handle duplicate gifts?

React warmly in the moment—thank the giver sincerely and focus on their thoughtfulness rather than the item. After the event, decide whether to keep, return, regift, or donate. Research shows recipients are more forgiving about mishaps than givers expect, so the situation likely matters less than you think.

What do you do with duplicate birthday presents?

You have four practical options: keep one as a backup, return or exchange for something needed, save for regifting at a future party, or donate to charity. Consider involving your child in age-appropriate ways—even preschoolers can help choose which toy goes to “a kid who needs one.”

Is it rude to return duplicate gifts?

Not at all. With return rates running well above average during gift-giving seasons, most givers understand that duplicates happen. The key is gracious acceptance in the moment and a genuine thank-you afterward. You don’t need to mention the return unless directly asked.

How do I tell people what gifts to buy?

Behavioral research shows recipients actually prefer gifts from wish lists—despite givers assuming surprises are more thoughtful. Create and share a simple registry link, frame it as helpful rather than demanding, and update it regularly so available items remain accurate.

Your Turn

How do you handle duplicate gifts? I’ve done the backup stash, the charity donation, and the awkward return. Curious what’s worked smoothly for others—and whether you tell the giver or keep it quiet.

Share your duplicate gift wins and fails—I learn from every story you tell.

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References

The Decision Lab – The Behavioral Science Guide to Gift Giving – Research on registry effectiveness and giver-recipient perception gaps
Ohio State University – Gift-Giving Research – Study on recipient forgiveness and care communication
Kiplinger – Gift-Giving Statistics – Data on return rates and wish list satisfaction