How do I respond when my child says everyone else gets unlimited screen time?

Say: 'Different families have different rules. In our family, we [your specific rule]. I'm not going to compare us to other families.' Then stop discussing—screens are designed to be addictive, and you're helping them navigate that.

3 Screen Time Negotiation Scripts That Work

Q: What do you say when your child won't stop screen time?

Give a 5-minute warning, then state the limit calmly. Acknowledge their frustration using 'and' instead of 'but': 'I know you want to keep playing, AND time is up.' Then stop talking—no justifying or re-explaining.

Q: Why should I use 'and' instead of 'but' with kids?

The word 'but' erases whatever you said before it. 'I know you're upset, BUT time's up' lands as just 'time's up.' Using 'and' holds both truths—their feelings AND your boundary—making kids feel heard while you maintain limits.

Q: What is a good screen time rule for kids?

Experts emphasize quality over quantity. Ask: Is my child sleeping well, engaged in school, participating in activities, and enjoying face-to-face time? If yes, some screen time isn't necessarily a problem.

The negotiation is already happening. Your kid wants five more minutes. You want your sanity back.

Screen time battles rank among the most common gift-giving challenges parents face—and here are the exact words that actually work, backed by child development research and tested in my house with eight kids across every age.

Parent and young child sitting together on sofa with tablet, warm natural light creating calm connection moment — The goal isn’t zero screens, it’s connection around them.

Key Takeaways

Use “and” instead of “but” when acknowledging feelings—“but” erases everything before it
Set and discuss screen time limits before screens come out, not during the negotiation
Stop talking after you state the limit—no justifying, no re-explaining
Screens are designed to be addictive—you’re not the mean parent, you’re helping them navigate

When Screen Time Ends and They Won’t Stop

This is the moment most parents dread. The timer goes off, and suddenly you’re the villain. Here’s the script:

“Screen time ends in 5 minutes. What should we do after?”

When time’s up: “I’m setting a 2-minute timer so you can find a stopping point.”

When they protest: “I know it’s hard to stop when you’re having fun, AND screen time is over.”

That word “and” matters more than you’d think. Research from The Peaceful Parent shows “but” erases whatever you said before it. “I know you’re upset, BUT time’s up” lands as just “time’s up.”

Using “and” holds both truths—their feelings AND your boundary.

Comparison showing BUT erases what came before while AND holds both truths in parent communication — One tiny word swap that changes everything.

Here’s what I’ve learned with my own kids: stop talking after you state the limit. No justifying, no re-explaining. Just “I’m not going to keep discussing this.”

When They Ask for “Five More Minutes”

Close-up of child's hands gripping gaming controller with parent's hand resting nearby in gentle boundary-setting moment — That grip says everything about how hard stopping feels for them.

This one’s a trap. Say yes once, and you’ve just taught them that limits are negotiable.

They say: “Just five more minutes, please!”

You say: “I hear you want more time. The answer is still no. Let’s find a stopping point now.”

University of Arizona research found that instructive mediation—explaining and discussing—works better than pure restriction. But here’s the key: that discussion happens before screen time, not during the negotiation.

Stat box showing discuss screen rules BEFORE not during screen time

When you set expectations before the iPad comes out, you’re not the bad guy pulling them away from fun. You’re just reminding them of what they already agreed to.

This is why family media plans work—the rules exist before emotions run high.

When They Say “Everyone Else Gets Unlimited Time”

Teenager sitting on bed with arms crossed looking frustrated, smartphone beside them, parent standing calmly in doorway — The comparison trap hits hardest in the teen years.

Ah, the comparison trap. My teenagers have perfected this one.

They say: “All my friends can play whenever they want!”

You say: “Different families have different rules. In our family, we [your specific rule]. I’m not going to compare us to other families.”

Here’s something that helped me let go of the guilt. As UW-La Crosse professor Tesia Marshik puts it:

“It’s not your fault that screens are so hard to put down. They’re intentionally designed to prey on our vulnerabilities.”
— Tesia Marshik, UW-La Crosse Psychology Professor

You’re not the mean parent—you’re the one helping them navigate something specifically engineered to be addictive.

Illustration showing smartphone with magnet symbols pulling toward child figure, representing addictive design — Tech companies spend billions making screens irresistible. You’re not imagining it.

The bottom line: Set limits in advance, state them calmly, acknowledge feelings, and hold firm. For age-specific guidance on balancing screen time with other activities, or to understand how digital gifts and screens fit into the bigger picture, those resources go deeper.

Four-step diagram showing set limits in advance, state calmly, acknowledge feelings, hold firm — Four steps. Every time. It really is that simple.

Frequently Asked Questions

What do you say when your child won’t stop screen time?

Give a 5-minute warning, then state the limit calmly rather than asking. Acknowledge their frustration (“I know it’s hard to stop”) while holding the boundary using “and” instead of “but”: “I know you want to keep playing, AND time is up.”

How do I set screen time limits without fighting?

Set limits before screens come out, not in the moment. Research shows collaborative rule-making works better than heavy-handed approaches—but once rules are set, state them without renegotiating every time.

Stat box showing 5-minute warning before screen time ends prevents meltdowns

What is a good screen time rule for kids?

Experts now emphasize quality over quantity. UW-La Crosse psychology professor Ryan McKelley suggests asking: “Is my child sleeping well, engaged in school, participating in activities, and enjoying face-to-face time?” If yes, some screen time isn’t necessarily a problem.

Checklist showing four signs child is thriving: sleeping well, engaged in school, doing activities, enjoying face-to-face time — If you can check these boxes, you’re doing just fine.

Young child laughing while playing interactive game on tablet with parent beside them, both happy and connected — This is what screen time can look like when the boundaries are clear.

Over to You

What’s your go-to screen time script? I’m always collecting phrases that actually work with real kids—share yours below.

I read every comment and test the best scripts with my own kids.

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References

The Peaceful Parent – Framework for screen time boundaries and script language
University of Arizona News – Research on mediation strategies
UW-La Crosse Currents – Expert perspectives on screen time management